Something I’ve become increasingly aware of since becoming a mum is just how important it is to have a village around you. It’s something I always knew in theory, but this month has reminded me of it more than ever.
May has been hard.
Mostly because my son and I have both been unwell twice this month, bugs he’s caught and lovingly passed on to me, and both times his dad has been away. I’m very lucky in the sense that his dad is present, involved, and has our son on weekends and during school holidays. But it was sod’s law that at the beginning of the month, while he was away on a residential trip, my son and I both came down with stomach viruses.
And honestly? Parenting while you’re both ill is one of the hardest parts of motherhood.
You still have to keep going when your body is begging you not to. There’s no tapping out, no duvet days, no chance to properly rest and recover. You still have to parent through the exhaustion, the sickness, the lack of sleep, the lack of energy, and sometimes, the lack of support.
As the primary parent, I can’t just disappear for a few days to recover. I can’t shut down, stay in bed, and focus only on getting better. My son still needs me, regardless of how I’m feeling.
This month has also highlighted how difficult it can be trying to balance solo parenting with being a trainee counsellor. Juggling client work, childcare, coursework, therapy, and supervision has felt overwhelming at times. And if I’m honest, it’s brought up a lot of anxiety about the future.
Because I’m becoming increasingly aware that I don’t really have a safety net. I don’t have the “village” people always talk about.
And I know I’m not alone in that.
I think about all the solo, single, and primary parents out there and genuinely wonder how they’re doing it. If you have grandparents or family members you can fall back on, that’s amazing. For me, it’s not always possible and a little more complicated than that.
And then I think about the mothers doing this entirely alone, without involved fathers at all. How do they cope? Honestly.
This week, in particular, has felt incredibly hard.
What started as such a high celebrating my son’s third birthday party on Monday, ended with me reaching Friday completely at the end of my tether, losing my patience more than once, and feeling consumed by exhaustion and guilt. At the same time, having to sit down, take a few deep breaths to re-centre myself, repair with my son, and then ready myself to see my clients on the very same day.
My son was already a little run down by the time his dad brought him back Monday morning, because he’d had a full weekend of parties there too. Then we hosted his birthday party on Monday, which was lovely but full-on. That night, I barely slept because he was coughing constantly.
By Tuesday, I was exhausted. But because it was half term and his dad was away for the week, I still had to show up. There was no option not to.
And once again, I was reminded that I don’t really have a village.
This is it. Me, struggling through.
6am wake-ups to 8pm bedtimes.
No downtime.
No space to breathe.
No gym.
No writing.
No time to refill my own cup.
And maybe that’s the part I’m finally having to accept: something has to change.
I need to remove the guilt around needing support.
Maybe that looks like finally finding a trusted childminder or babysitter for the days when I’m struggling or unwell. Maybe it means increasing my son’s preschool days so I can have more breathing room to work, study, rest, or simply exist as a human being outside of motherhood for a few hours.
Because trying to fully show up for him, while also trying to show up for myself, my future career, my coursework, my clients, therapy, and supervision is starting to feel unsustainable.
And maybe asking for more support doesn’t make me weak.
Maybe it makes me honest.
Maybe this is what motherhood really is sometimes:
loving your child deeply while simultaneously realising you were never meant to do all of this completely alone.
I hope there are other mothers out there that can recognise when they need help. Who are kind enough to themselves to bypass the guilt that comes with not being able to hold it all. To admit that it’s really bloody hard trying to do it all by yourself.
Raising children was never meant to be a one person job.
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