Navigating Christmas and Co-parenting.

I’ve been seeing quite a few posts on social media this past week about navigating Christmas and co-parenting. I also had a chat with my cousin about it too. It’s a tough one. No parent wants to willingly be without their children on Christmas Day. However, where co-parenting is concerned, sometimes it’s just not an option.

There are many single mums who don’t have any extended family and may end up spending Christmas Day on their own. It’s something I never really thought about until I became a mother myself. For me, I realised that this would have been my first Christmas on my own, so I decided I’d spend it with my mum this year. I’m excited to have some one-on-one time with her and to slow the pace of the day completely.

I understand that for some single parents this might not be an option, and they may have to spend Christmas Day alone while their child or children spend it with the other parent, and that’s not easy.

When there’s more than one child involved, naturally siblings want to be together at Christmas. I remember my sister and I chose not to go to our dad’s so that we could spend it together. There were two occasions I recall when we spent Christmas away from our mum. Once was when my sister’s dad took us to Australia, and although it was amazing, it still didn’t quite feel like Christmas Day.

Another time was just a random Christmas when we were both a bit older and had the choice to go to our dads’. Boy, did we regret that. Nothing bad on our dads, but we quickly realised how much effort Mum put into making our Christmases magical.

The way she made sure we both had the same number of presents, often very similar items.

The way she stayed up all night wrapping them because she had no one else to help her.

The way she traipsed around the shops with us in tow, careful not to let us see anything she’d bought.

The way she’d stealthily sneak into our bedroom while we were asleep to fill our stockings.

The way she spent hours in the kitchen making Christmas dinner while we ate chocolate, watched TV, and played with our new gifts.

The magic always came from our mum.

So those two Christmases we spent away from her must have been hard. A welcomed rest, of course, but also an absence of magic.

Now I’m at this stage in my life where I have to accept a different reality, alternating Christmases with my son. And although it pains me to spend some Christmases without him, I’ve accepted that this is part and parcel (excuse the pun) of co-parenting.

I know that when he’s back with me, we can make the next day, or the next, our Christmas. Because I’ll always bring the same magic my mum brought to me and my sister over the years.

I’ve also reframed it like this: this isn’t about me, it’s about my son. Will he be happy, cared for, and showered with love on the Christmases he’s not with me? Absolutely. Will he also get another Christmas Day with me once he returns from his dad’s? Absolutely.

As he gets older and starts to understand the magic of Christmas, there will probably be some years where it hits harder than others. Right now, he’s too young to fully grasp it. But this will become his normal, two homes, two Christmases, with parents who love him.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Christmas isn’t just one day, it’s how you make it. You can create that same magic on a different day. I’ve celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve and on Boxing Day, and honestly, both have felt more like Christmas than Christmas Day itself.

And if all else fails, at least we have Stranger Things Volume 2 on Christmas Day.