Since becoming a mum, it’s sometimes hard for me to truly pause and appreciate the ups and downs that come with this title.
But now that we’ve reached the toddler stage, it’s become clearer which parts have been the hardest, and which have been the best.
Here are my top six hardest and best parts about being a first-time mum:
This had to be at the top of the list, because it really is the hardest. When you’re pregnant, everyone warns you about the sleepless nights. So you mentally prepare yourself for the exhaustion ahead. For the first three months, my son actually slept well, which gave me a false sense of security. But then teething hit, and it hit hard. Developmental leaps followed, and sleep became a battlefield. What no one prepared me for was how long this stage could last. I used to think sleep deprivation was only for the baby phase, not toddlers too!
Now, nearing the two-year mark, the light is finally peeking through. But the exhaustion has left a mark, and if I’m honest, the sleep deprivation still feels like PTSD.
Unconditional Love and Acceptance
This one’s huge. No one can prepare you for the overwhelming love you’ll feel for your child. But what I didn’t expect was the unconditional love and acceptance I’d receive back. As someone who has struggled with self-criticism and acceptance, it’s incredibly healing to be seen through my son’s eyes. He doesn’t care about my postpartum body, my greys, or what job title I hold. He just loves me, for me. And that’s what inspires me to stay as present as I can. Because what he does care about is a mummy who loves him back just as fiercely.
I didn’t even realise this was something I struggled with until I had my son. When he’s unwell, I go into high alert, I can’t relax, I’m constantly on edge. I think I’ve always carried health anxiety, but it intensified when I became responsible for another human being. The pressure to stay calm, to make the right decisions, to be the “sensible adult” while internally panicking, it’s a lot. That said, I’ve surprised myself lately with how I’ve handled a few of his accidents. Maybe exposure does help? Still, the anxiety never fully disappears. It just becomes part of the background noise of parenting.
A Newfound Purpose
Before my son, I often felt lost. I struggled with anxiety and low mood, and I had never been particularly career-driven. I clashed with workplace management often, largely because of my strong sense of fairness and justice. Deep down, I knew I needed work that aligned with my soul’s purpose, helping others, but in my own way.
Now, being a full-time mum while training for the job I’ve always dreamed of feels like everything is finally aligning. I have purpose. I’m nurturing my son while also nurturing the version of myself I always wanted to become. Honestly, I believe he saved me.
Parent while you re-parent, what a journey. Our generation can’t turn a blind eye to self-awareness the way previous ones may have. There’s too much access to information, too many conversations happening online and in therapy rooms. Having my son forced me to confront parts of my own upbringing I hadn’t dealt with. Not to shame my parents, but to learn and grow from what they couldn’t give me.
This is what led me to therapy, to deeper self-care, to healing trauma patterns. It’s hard work, but it’s already making me a better mother.
Resilience and Strength Building
Becoming a mum forces a level of strength you didn’t know you had. You get through things you never imagined you could, like functioning on two hours of sleep, or making important decisions on zero energy. You learn how to be “on” all the time. The pregnancy. The birth. The recovery. The mental load. All of it builds resilience because you’re constantly doing something new, something demanding, and you keep going.
I’ve surprised myself with how much I’ve endured, and continue to endure. And that’s alongside the societal pressure and the mum guilt. We really are warriors, aren’t we?
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