The 'Terrific Two's' - How to navigate little people with big emotions.
The terrific two's, also known as the terrible twos (but that’s just mean), truly are terrific, but also terrifically hard too.
It’s when your little one starts to seek some autonomy, and you want to give it to them of course — but within reason…
My son has always been a wild child. Very active and very observant. This is why I am always mindful of how I behave around him, what I’m saying, and the behaviours I encourage in him. His speech is more developed, mobility strong, and energy is endless.
Power Struggles
With this developmental milestone often comes some challenges. The first one I noticed was the word “no.” He doesn’t use it as much as I thought he would, but when he does, it’s a very solid one!
My workaround for this is to acknowledge it, but not to make a big deal out of it. It also depends in which context the “no” is being used. If it’s no to a cuddle, activity or a certain type of food, I allow him to hold power with his no and give him choices.
However, if it’s a no to bath time, bedtime or letting me get him dressed, then it will be challenged back — as these things aren’t within his control at the moment.
What I tend to do is not make a big deal out of the no or the resistance to engage in what I’ve said. Rather, I just say, “It’s bath time now,” and I will repeat it and move to the bathroom.
9/10 your toddler is going to follow you, because let’s be honest — they can’t help themselves! And once in the bathroom, I’m putting his favourite toys in the bath, letting him pour in the bubbles and even letting him be involved in getting himself undressed.
There are ways in which you can allow your toddler autonomy in the moment that makes them think this is actually their choice. It won’t always be a smooth run, but it’s a way of giving them some power back.
Testing the boundaries
Something new that my son has been doing — that took me a bit by surprise at first — is testing my boundaries.
I heard a lot of mums mention this to me and I thought to myself, How can a little 2-year-old do that? I didn’t quite understand the concept of it or what it would look like.
Now I know!
It started with him throwing his water bottle on the floor, pointing to it and grunting at me to pick it up for him. Me, being the stubborn person I am, knew instantly that he was trying to test me.
I found it quite funny and endearing that my son was trying to actively get me to do something for him — not realising that I already do many things for him.
My response to this particular situation was to calmly say to him, “You can pick it up,” and then he would challenge me further by getting a bit more high-pitched with the tone and the noises.
Again, I would just reply, “No, you can pick it up,” also using his name too — to put the ownership back with him.
If there is still obvious resistance, then I get up and I walk away. Eventually, he is going to be thirsty and will pick it up himself.
This is a great example of picking your battles.
He has done this with numerous objects and I use the same strategy every time. However, it is different if we are outside and heading somewhere — then I would pick up the item, put it in my bag, and it remains there until we get to our destination.
Toddler Tantrums
Another challenge I was preparing myself for was the “sitting down on the floor in public” scenario.
I thought about how I would handle this and I told myself: my main strength in this situation is my reaction to it.
I always remain calm. I don’t care about what other people are thinking — and I have even had many women, old people and men pass me in that moment who have given me a knowing smile.
It’s a universal thing to see a toddler sitting on the floor refusing to move!
The way in which I approach this is to ask my son, “Buggy or walking?” There are only two choices here, and neither of them are sitting in the middle of the pavement.
Again, it gives him choice and allows him to have the autonomy he is seeking.
If he doesn’t make a decision, then I make the decision to put him back in the buggy until he is ready to walk again.
My son is loving the choice of being able to either walk beside me or be in the buggy. Sometimes he will opt to just climb into the buggy himself.
If he is sitting on the floor and crying, then it’s cuddle and straight into the buggy to calm him down.
Being calm myself is key.
Big Emotions
The emotional rollercoaster of a 2-year-old is not for the faint-hearted!
One minute my son will be laughing his head off, and the next he will be in floods of tears.
I always remind myself, “Little person, big emotions” before I react.
He is trying to process his feelings and he needs my help with it.
I find that what works well for me is to address the situation.
For example, when my son has a meltdown because I’m washing his hair. I will continue to wash his hair because it’s dirty and needs cleaning.
However, I acknowledge that he is upset and affirm the emotions:
“I know you don’t like it, but your hair is dirty,” and I’ll say, “Mummy do it and then you can play.”
This lets him know that this uncomfortable moment isn’t going to last, and that he can carry on playing once I’ve finished.
An incident last week — the crying continued after the hair washing — and so I finished what I was doing, wrapped him in a towel and cuddled him on the bed.
Eventually he calmed down and then fell asleep. So this told me he was just overtired and overstimulated.
Three key things that have been working for me during an emotional meltdown have been: long cuddles, breathing together — “smell the flowers, blow out the candles” (doing it and saying it together) — and the more recent one of feet rubbing.
His dad sent me a link about how rubbing your toddler’s feet can calm them down quickly. This is something to do with the nerve endings in the soles of our feet that can signal comfort and safety.
This has been working a charm for me — so a really useful tool to have.
Autonomy
There are many ways that I help to support my son with his autonomy.
Letting him choose if he wants to walk or not, what snack he would like (banana or apple), letting him pick what toys he wants to play with, and having the freedom to control the pace.
We also have a grey felt notice board at home that I ordered off of Amazon, where I use printed laminated pictures of emotions, colours, transport, fruit, weather and days of the week.
This allows him to use choice and recognition.
It’s fun, and he really enjoys looking out the window and matching the weather, picking out how he feels, remembering what snack he had that morning and learning that we do certain things on specific days.
It's been incredibly supportive in his developmental journey and I would highly recommend it.
"You can find the felt board I use here, i'ts been a game changer for us."
Takeaway
So yes, the terrific twos can be challenging — but they can also be extremely rewarding too.
I love seeing his little character develop, hearing him use new and different words, and seeing his mind expanding.
We have our own little jokes now. He observes me doing interactive and imaginative play with him, and then I see him doing it independently.
He wants to help me hang the washing up (somehow he can just throw an item of clothing at the clothes rack and it just magically lands on it perfectly!), helps me with hoovering, and even gets the dustpan and brush out and starts sweeping.
He wants to be involved in what I am doing and I find that really endearing.
As he continues to grow, his ability to make decisions for himself will change — and this will again challenge me to find new and different ways to support his autonomy.
"Mumma's, 'Terrific' Two's — we’ve got this!"
"If you found this post helpful, feel free to share with a fellow mum who might need the reminder that she's doing an amazing job."
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